This is How We Do It

I have decided that the year 2010 will be a year of discipline for me. To coincide with that desire, I will be reading The Celebration of Discipline again. But this time, I am planning on actually finishing it. :) There are twelve corporate and individual disciplines highlighted in the book. My plan is to take one per month and focus on growing that discipline, adding to the disciplines of the previous months. This month is Meditation.

In God's always interesting timing, He showed me something last night through a conversation with a dear friend. In my desire to always "better" myself, I am constantly measuring myself against my own expectations and who I think I "should" be. For example:

I should be a better guitar player.

I should be able to get out of bed at a decent time in the morning.

I should be a better / more disciplined runner.

I should get more out of my quiet times with God.

I should have more consistent quiet times.

I should be able to maintain a healthier lifestyle.

I should be able to understand music theory enough to be able to sit down at a piano and play.

I should be a more dependable friend.

etc, etc, etc.

The result of these "should" statements is that I often wake up disappointed with myself. Disappointed for not waking up earlier, disappointed for missing another morning quiet time, disappointed for putting myself in a position to be late to work. Then, at night, I also often go to bed disappointed with myself for not running that day, not playing my guitar, wasting too much time in front of the TV.... Do you see how fruitless this all is?

Through this conversation with my friend, the Lord spoke to my heart this simple truth:

You are so caught up in YOUR requirements for your life..... where do you stand with MY requirements?

I realized I think more of what I expect from myself, rather than what God desires from me. But He has shown me what is good.

And what does the LORD require of me? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

Which sounds a lot more simple than all those other boxes that I've been trying to check off. (Although in an interesting side note, by focusing on my shortcomings, I have been inadvertently overlooking His mercy. By trying to find all these ways to "better" myself, I've been overlooking what God desires. Hmm.) This verse will be the focus of my meditation in January. My prayer is that through this, I will begin to turn my heart more towards the desires of God and focus less on how I fall short of my own desires. My hope is that by simply seeking first HIS kingdom, all the other longings will simply fall into place. This is something I know I can trust because it is something His word promises.

A recent song of John Mayer's has a line that I've been singing in my head quite a lot lately. He sings, "Your faith is strong/ but I can only fall short for so long". While those lyrics want to ring true in my head and my heart, God's response to those words commands my attention.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. Because it is by grace we have been saved through Christ, the hope of glory.

And the truth of that....... makes me smile.