Like a Prayer

It's been interesting lately.

For a while, I have wanted to increase my prayer life. I felt I was always so selfish in my prayers, always thinking about myself and rarely remembering the prayers of others.

And please know I still have a LONG way to go on this. But it has been fun because more and more lately, if someone is on the phone with me, talking about issues / hard struggles, I almost ALWAYS feel the nudge to pray for them before getting off the phone. So, 9 times out of 10, I do. Which is something so very new for me.

Now, I still don't do a very good job of remembering them in my prayers at bedtime, but there are times when God calls them to mind during the day and I will say a quick prayer then. Still doesn't happen all the time, but I am encouraged by the fact that it is happening at all now, as opposed to prior years where I rarely prayed for others, either out loud in front of them, or in my heart alone. It is a cool, but very stretching journey.

There are more thoughts developing here, but I thought for now I would share the prayers that God has answered in helping me deepen my prayer life. Ha. He answered prayers about prayer.

What a good God. :)

Angel

Gail and I just were sitting here watching a little Anderson Cooper when a commercial for the ASPCA comes on. The ASPCA is the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The commercial starts with a soft piano and the sweet voice of Sarah McLachlan singing her song "Angel". As the song progresses, photos of abused and mangled animals are shown on screen with statistics of how many each day are mistreated. In no way was it an "in your face" commercial, but rather effective and moving. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks and an ache in my heart, wondering what I would ever do if my little buddy Buster were hurt like that. As the commercial drew to a close, I looked at Gail with a lump in my throat, tears brimming, and thoughts running through as my head like, "I should have been a vet technician so I could help these animals!" and "I can't believe someone could be so cruel and heartless!" As the last note hung of the song hung in the air and the last picture faded, she looked at me with indifference and yelled, "AM I MADE OF STONE?!?"

Not a single tear. No remorse. The girl was unaffected. Maybe I should rethink my plans next time I leave for the weekend, placing Buster in her care.

Check the commercial out here. Let it be a test for you. Do you have a heart? Or are you like Gail?

Not To Us

I tried to find a good picture to fit the theme for this post, which is God's Blessings. I couldn't really find anything I liked, but I did stumble across this guy's picture. His last name is apparently Blessing. So I thought, why not? Anyway, moving on....

A lot of times when I feel the Lord prompting me to do something, I procrastinate. Especially if it is something I am not excited about, something that requires me to humble myself, something that asks me to put others before myself, something that says I must lay down my pride and simply trust him. All of this is typically very hard for me and it takes a while of knowing what I should do before I actually act. And once the decision has been made to be faithful to Him in His request of me, I make myself feel better by thinking that following His desires will a) make me feel better and b) fix everything.

That is not always the case.

What if the Lord requires something from me, something I don't want to do, simply because it brings Him glory? What if I won't feel better? What if it doesn't fix everything? What if the results actually make me feel a little worse than I did before I acted? If I knew all this before hand, would I still be faithful to His calling?

Probably not.

I think sometimes we have such a desire to be blessed that we assume that everything the Lord asks us to do will shower immediate grace and blessings. And sometimes, that is simply not the case. Sometimes, the very thing we are most afraid of happening is exactly what the Lord brings about after we follow his prompting. (Something Jonah experienced great frustration over.)

Does that mean He is any less God?

No.

Does that mean we are any less loved?

Not at all.

Does that mean his desires to bless us are failing?

Never in a million years.

However, knowing these answers, these truths, does it make any of this easier?

Unfortunately not.

BUT, dear friends, in the long run, is it worth it?

Absolutely.

I have loved Hebrews 12 for quite a while now, but something that's just stuck with me recently is how it talks about when we submit to the Lord's discipline, it allows our spirits to live. Going through these trials, these testers.... it is so that a "harvest of righteousness" can be fostered within us so that we continuously grow in His love, reflecting His glory.

And THAT, my friends, is a blessing worth holding onto. Even when I don't feel the blessing for being faithful in the moment, I can rest in God's promise that through my trust, through my obedience, through my steadfastness to His commands, my life, my future, my spirit has been blessed. Praise the Lord for His unfailing love!

:)

Sound of Silence

So, it has been a while since I've written. Were it not for comments from my sisters, I'm not sure I would be writing now. One of those things where there's much on the mind, but little to say.

I just got back from a weekend retreat with my family in Colorado. It was such a relaxing and nice weekend. Definitely too short, but what can you do. Duty calls. And I have no vacation time to stay longer. So I came home, even though my family is still basking in the Glory of God's best. It's OK, though. They miss me and wish I were there. I'd rather have people missing me and wanting me to be around, than looking at me and wishing I weren't. Human nature, I suppose. And while I was there, I got to see the sunrise from a mountain top surrounded only by nature, go swimming in a glacier-fed lake at over 10,000 feet, and spend lots of quality time with family and friends. Well worth the trip indeed.

One of the great quandaries of the christian life, from my perspective, is the question of purpose. Why am I here? What gifts do I have? How can I use those gifts and desires to bring the most glory to God? On a day to day basis, how do I keep my heart and mind in step with what He desires for me?

Several months back, I found myself at my desk praying a fairly odd prayer. I had been reading an article about an escaped prisoner from the LRA. While reading, I felt compelled to pray for something. Reading the article didn't give me a passion to go help with the escape of current captives, nor did it give me a desire to go provide ministry to the former captives trying to restore to whatever normalcy there is left to life. I did, however, feel compelled to pray for a platform. Much like that of Bono. A platform where I can call attention to the issues, inspire others to get involved, and encourage those who are already serving in a trained capacity to release the prisoners from the darkness. And before long, I felt myself praying, "Lord, if one day I am nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, that would be fantastic. Not because I want the recognition and not because I want the honor, but rather because I want to know that I have made that large of an impact for your Kingdom. I want to be used for your glory."

And then, I realized what I said, kind of laughed, and thought, "Are you kidding me? Who does that? Who prays to win a Nobel Peace Prize?"

Apparently the same girl who used to pray to be the next Virgin Mary, giving birth to Jesus. (I had major confusion when I heard Jesus was coming back and thought that meant he would be born again to another Virgin. The confusion has since been cleared and the prayer retracted.) :)

Regardless, this is the question I find welling up within myself every single day. And I haven't the slightest of clues as to what the answer is. I will not lie. I feel as though there is a distinct calling on my life for the Ministry. And I believe the Lord is going to use me, quite possibly, in some very large ways. But how do I go about figuring out how, and when, and through what? And how much longer till this (often painful) time of preparation subsides?

Starting in September, I will be taking classes through Vineyard Leadership Institute on the worship track and doing a pastoral internship with our worship pastor. I have been leading more and more which I find great joy and peace in. And quite honestly, it is something I thought I would never ever do. Maybe because it took me 4 years before I could even sing and play at the same time. I love youth kids and I love speaking, but music.... worship brings me LIFE. So, for the time being, that is what I am pursuing. I recognize I don't have the best guitar skills or the most polished voice. But man. My HEART.... it just desires to worship the Lord. Bottom line. That's all I want. And I trust that the Lord will use that to bring honor and glory to Him.

How's that for total disclosure on a midday lunch break?

Ready Or Not

A camping I will go, a camping I will go, high-ho, the dairy-oh. A camping I will go.

I don't really know what that song means. Or really what the right words are. But I do know this. I am going CAMPING this weekend and I am SO excited!! Also, whenver I sing random songs via electronic communication, they always get stuck in Becky's head. Here's to hoping this gem gets stuck in her head. With the incorrect words. She will love me for this.

I've found one of my favorite things to say during an awkward part of a conversation is this: "Look, Geppetto. I'm a real live boy." And say it in a little boy voice. A real ice breaker, I tell ya.

Not really not much else to add today. Just felt like giving a little shout out. In the process, I will take a minute to brag about my friends. Near and far, I have the best friends in the whole world. New friends and old, God has blessed me with friends who love me, encourage me, and challenge me. And who are there for me. I don't think there are many people out there who are as blessed as I and for that, I am thankful. And with that said, here's another shout out. This time to my mom, whos voice I can hear in my head singing this song...

Make new friends,

But keep the old.

One is silver

And the other is gold.

Here's some latest pictures of my family. Gotta love 'em. :)

Mom and Grandma

My cutie nephew Miles...His sister Emory...Elijah, Paige, Emory and I swinging....

Levi, eating his first birthday cake...His big bro, Elijah...Dad and Paige... Last but not least, the beautiful Lauren....

Beautiful Thing

It's official. I now own an electric guitar!!! This is no small feat as it has been several years in the making. However, fear and hesitation have always held me back as I simply don't have the skills necessary to be considered a "legit" player. However, I've decided that I no longer care. And I bought this puppy today.

It's a Fender Strat, pictured on the left. This is an actual picture of the guitar so I have the same blue color, which I think is quite nice. I am so excited I don't even know what to do with it. I've already started learning my current favorite song, "Good Love is On The Way". By the time I see Mayer in concert in June, I'll be able to jump up on stage and hold my own.

*sigh*

It is a good day in KC. A very good day.

Giddy up!

Dude, Looks Like a Lady

I love being friends with graphic designers. Look at what happened when Becky thought it would be fun to see what my child would look like if Steven Tyler was the father. I think it was supposed to be a boy too.....

Beautiful.....