Long Line of Leavers

I have a habitual problem of looking back. When I leave for work in the morning, I double check the curling iron and the iron to make sure all is unplugged. When I get out of a car, I double check that I haven't left anything behind. When I leave my desk at work, I stand there and stare for a few minutes, making sure I haven't forgotten anything. When I'm done cooking, I push the "Off" button on the oven probably 3 or 4 times just to make sure it's really off. If I've used the stove, I will go back in to the kitchen several times just to make sure all the lines are pointing up and the "hot surface" light on the dashboard has turned off. When I go to bed at night, I check mentally every candle I let during the night and make sure each one fire has been suffocated. I'll even get up out of my cozy bed to make sure for the third time that all the doors / windows really are locked. This is a normal day for me. You get the picture.

Why do I always look back to make sure I haven't left anything behind or something undone? Is it because my mother always ingrained in me the phrase, "Double double, check check!" Or do I have my grandmother to thank who will still call me to make sure she remembered to tell me that the bread she baked for me needs to be kept refrigerated? I suspect there's a strong lineage of double checkers I can attribute my little quirk to. Many people to thank for this little idiosyncratic trait that drives my own self crazy.

Why do I mention this? I was reading the other night about Sodom and Gomorrah and God's destruction of the evil towns. How many times in my life have I been guilty of playing the part of Lot's wife? The one who looks back upon what God has asked me to leave behind. Was it wrong for her to look back on a town that was home to her? Was it wrong of her to wonder what was happening to your friends and neighbors? I don't think these things in and of themselves are wrong, however God had explicitly said, "Don't look back, don't stop anywhere...." My guess is that He knew it would cause her too much pain to look back at what was, to see her past destroyed, to see all of her eartlhly treasures burned. He wanted her focused on what lay ahead. The promise He had in store for her. The wealth of land and opportunity ahead that would promise to bless her and her family. Yet she still looked back.

Perhaps reminiscing.

Perhaps fearful.

Perhaps reluctant to leave.

Definitely disobedient.

Forever frozen in time as a reminder to all generations. Do not fear.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19.

As an aside, does anyone wonder why God is so quick to bless those who have a blatant disregard for His law in the Old Testament? Abraham didn't trust God's timing so stepped outside the boundaries of wedlock to continue his family line. He lived a very blessed life. Lot tried to sell his daughters to protect himself from the Lord's wrath. God redeemed him from corruption and greed to a life of freedom in abundant land. David impregnated a married woman, then had her husband murdered, and is still called a Man after God's Own Heart. Moses killed a man, but then became God's chosen leader for the redemption of His people. There are so many more examples, but those are the ones on the top of my head.

How much more blessed are we that we live on the other side of Grace. A lot of thoughts going on inside my head right now concerning this topic that I'm having trouble putting words to. But thank you, Lord, for grace. And for the knowledge that no matter what stupid decision I make, no matter how blatant my disregard for your law is, your love for me is unending and your compassion never fails. It's a little much for me to wrap my mind around. Thank you for that.