I Choose You

Words from an email I just sent to a friend and felt like sharing here. It has nothing to do with anything going on with the friend, but just portrays a reflection of my heart and mind as I happened to be sending her an email. I hope you are encouraged in reading it as I was encouraged in the relevation God has brought to my heart....

I hope this fine Monday of student teaching goes well for you. This is a verse the Lord showed me yesterday that has given me great encouragement….

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. " Proverbs 4:18

If you think about it, it is so cool. You and I… we're children of the Most High God. We have been called righteous according to His purpose. Therefore, this verse directly applies to both of us. Our path of righteousness… it began when we accepted him into our lives as Lord and Savior.… as we began a walk. It was at that moment that our life was at the darkest point it would ever see. (Scientific fact that it is the darkest point of the night just before the dawn breaks…) from that moment, each step in my path, each day of my life has been walked with more and more light shed upon me from Our Lord. And it will continue to be that way until the return of our King. No matter what darkness may try to creep in at me, no matter what loops are thrown my way to deter me from the race set before me… Each day is promised to contain more light in it than the day before.

That may not mean that each day gets easier… or that each day gets better…. Sometimes the sun beats down with such intensity that it is hard to be outside. No one likes to sweat. Yet you cannot deny the beauty the sun - at the peak of the day - the benefit it brings to nourish the earth. It's also interesting that as the sun climbs higher into the sky, the shadows (the darkness) around you shrinks more and more until the full light of day (noon), there is no shadow. Each day in our walk of righteousness, the shadows become smaller and smaller, till one day, we will stand in the direct presence of the Son, in all His glory, with the promise of His Hope finally revealed in the paths our lives took; the way He made Himself known to us and through us through the course of our lives.

And with you and me, friend, the response will be…. "Well done, good and faithful servant. Come and share in my master's happiness." By the grace of God, that will be my greeting upon coming face to face with the Glory of God revealed. Because, my friend, we have been equipped with everything we need through Christ Jesus our Lord to continue in the fight for His Glory. And today, I will Choose Him. By the Grace of God, tomorrow, I will as well. Each day, my path shining brighter than the day before. Not because it gets easier, but because I gain more and more of a heavenly perspective than the day before. My eyes are set on the Throne. I pray that as I walk steadfastly forward, others around me will notice my gaze, follow it, and too be enchanted by the love of our Lord.

:) these words are more for me than for you. You just happened to be here when I thought through them….

Good Love Is On The Way

Saw John Mayer in Omaha last night. I will say that I expected a good show. I was not in the least bit disappointed. He was fantastic. To me, a decent concert is one where the performer sounds at least as good as the CD. A good concert is one where you don't feel like the CD does the music justice. A phenominal concert is where I found myself last night. One where the songs are expanded, improvised, ad-libbed. Where the musicians gel together so well, each note is played in such a manner where you feel like you're invited to join the most intimate of friendships. Where it is about more than just playing "the hits".... where the listener is infected with the drive, the passion, the force behind the song. Where the artist continuously finds himself in "that place" and then invites the audience in to where he is for milk and cookies.

I'm sure that doesn't really make sense to anyone but me, but let it be said that the concert last night far exceeded any hopes or expectations that I had. I would go see him again in a heartbeat. For once, I think Rolling Stone has it right.

Crossroads

This morning as I lay in bed, unable to sleep, I pulled out a book that I apparently have begun to read in the past. I say apparently because there was a business card placed about 10-15 pages in that I had used as a bookmark. When this bookmark fell out, it gave me pause. More than that, really. Time stood frozen as I stared at a picture on my wall, memories swirling in my head and desires stirring in my heart.

The bookmark was a reminder for an appointment to take my grandma to the doctor on August 3, 2006. That appointment would lead to be one of the most frustrating / uncomfortable hours of my life. Immediately after returning home from the appointment, I went on about an hour walk and just cried the whole time, stopping only to pick up flowers for Grandma from Cookseys.

That day would be the last day my grandma would ever spend in her home. That night would be the last night I would ever tuck her into bed and hear her speak of how much she loved me and how blessed she was by my presence. The next day, I sat on the couch with uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. My grandma had gone into what we thought was diabetic shock but would later find out was really kidney failure. In the midst of the confusing phone calls, the attempts to get medicine in her, the shattering quiet in the house, I did all I knew. I got out my guitar and played. I wanted to sing, but I couldn't.

I sat there in that room, just me and her, and I played for her. As I played, I prayed. At one point, she came to and looked over at me and said, "Honey, are you playing me a song?" I nodded my head and she said, "It sure is pretty." Then she turned her head and faded back out. The last she would ever see of her earthly home was through the back door windows of an ambulance. I praise God she truly is at home now.

Ironically, the book the card fell out of is a book called Chasing Daylight. It's a book about seizing your divine moment; living out the dreams in your heart and making your life matter. Sometimes, I just simply cannot shake the feeling that I am meant for so much more. At the time the appointment reminder was written, I fully believed I would be living an indeterminable amount of time in Arkansas caring for and living with my grandma. My plans were changed. I praise the Lord that I was with her during the last week she would spend in her home.

Right now, I'm at a junction. I can either play it safe and live a comfortable, yet unfulfilling and unexciting life. Or I can take advantage of the place I am in life, throw caution to the wind, and go for my dreams. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure what that would entail. But I do know there is a stirring, a calling so deep in my soul that sitting at a computer all day simply does not answer. How do you decide between the thought that you're being foolish and the thought that you're taking a leap of faith? That you're daring to dream the possibilities God has for you and while leaving behind the known may not appear wise, it's truly a relinquishment of control and allowance of God to work in ways He couldn't if you only stood still.

Oh, I have no idea. Is it time for a dramatic change? Or do I simply need to be faithful with the things I have been given right now and wait for the right opportunity, where risk isn't so heavily involved? Why, when I think I finally have things figured out, do I always get thrown for a loop?

hmmm. Lots of thoughts going on inside this little head of mine. Unfortunately for my employer, very little of them are work related. Technically speaking.

Waiting on the World to Change

It has been such an exciting day for me.

1) I talked 24 hour fitness into lowering my rate by $11 per month. I, very politely, told them I would drop my membership all together and go to Gold's Gym if they didn't.

2) I GOT TICKETS TO SEE JOHN MAYER ON SUNDAY!!!!!

3) number two pretty much takes the cake on anything else.

In the midst of the crazy life that I've been privy to lately, these small things were very much needed. Now, if I could only figure out what the next step in my life is, I would have it all!